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ttle finger out stiffly, while grasping the
handle in their bony fingers.

 "But you must join us"

One man poured his coffee into his saucer, when the great leader
ventured to remind him that in polite society people drank their coffee
from the cups, whereupon the offender asked him with some warmth if he
set himself up to be better than George Washington, and assured him that
the Father of his country poured his coffee and tea out into his saucer,
and he suggested that the leader go back to his beautiful society, and
see if they did not do things that no self-respecting ghost would do, or
even dream of condescending to do. Then the other ghosts took it up and
the feeling ran so high that it almost resulted in throwing the leader
from the place. Then one peace-loving ghost stood up and said:

"My friends, it ill becomes us to quarrel over a matter of such little
importance. Not all of us were born in the time of ultra-civilization.
Most of us never saw a four-tined fork while alive, and so we were
obliged to convey our food to our mouths with our knives. I do not
believe it a capital sin. I well remember that I was once at a dinner
where there were several clergymen and great men from various walks of
life. This very gentleman's grandfather, who now objects to the use of a
saucer, used a knife. I know, for in listening to something that was
said he forgot and put it into his mouth. The sharp edge was toward his
mouth and he cut his lip quite badly and made it bleed. Everybody used
their knives then. Tea plates were considered part of every table
service from the highest down, and they were set on the table to stand
the cups in while the tea or coffee was in the saucer to cool before
being drunk. It is good manners for half the world to eat with the
fingers, and I cannot see how any person has a right to dictate what
anyone shall or shall not do." The leader stood up and angrily said:

"Of what use is our boasted civilization if we are to live like the
beasts of the field?"

"Some of us here doubtless wish that we had lived like the beasts of the
field while they had the chance and failed to do so," replied the former
speaker. "Honestly, sir; is there anything you can bring forward to
prove that the 'beasts of the field' ever did anything wicked that you
can bring against them now? If you do you are wiser than I, and I assure
you that I would rather be the most wretched little yellow dog that I
know of than be some of the men who hold such exaggerated opinions of
their own importance. Such men should have several billions of years
allotted to them in which to learn that they knew nothing worth
knowing."

The leader was so angry that he simply could not find words to reply. He
glared at the speaker with such haughty and malevolent disdain, that one
might have thought that this was some great social function above ground
and that he was squelching some upstart with nothing but his millions to
recommend him. He stared until the old ghost who had been trying to act
as moderator began to show symptoms of a disposition to arise in his
might and wipe up the floor with the great little man, so he haughtily
turned away.

As soon as this little diversion had passed off, the eating which had
been suspended was now renewed with fervor. New beakers of wine were
poured out, and drank with gusto. The noise of the fleshless jaws
clapping together as they ate was like the patter of hailstones on the
roof. It became so loud and insistent that the newspaper man grew so
nervous that he could have screamed like a hysterical woman, but he set
his teeth and kept quiet.

He desired to enter into conversation with some of the ghosts, as there
were many questions-important ones still unanswered. To that end he
addressed himself to the old lady who had been trying to learn poker. He
asked her if she would have some more wine, but she said:

"No, I thank you, sir; but I should like some of that boned turkey. I
always liked turkey, and folks that ever eat of my turkey-roast
turkey-for that is how I think a turkey should always be cooked-not that
some other ways aren't good for a change that is. I was called a good
cook and housekeeper in my day, and it has been my worst trial to see
the awful messes my family has had to put up with since I am gone. And,
the awful waste, and the dirt in my house. I used to keep them all on
pins and needles all the time for fear of dirt, or that a fly would be
let in. I never gave one of them a minute's peace. I thought I was doing
a notable thing, then, but since I have had time to think it over it has
come to me that I might have been a little less exacting. If I had been
perhaps my boys would have stayed with me, but they couldn't stand so
much nagging. Well, my poor old husband has got the dyspepsia trying to
eat such cooking as he has to put up with now. And down here I naturally
don't have a chance to cook. I think I could feel reconciled to being
dead if I could only cook a meal of victuals once in a while."

"I don't ever want to cook, and I'd go plumb crazy distracted if I had
to," said another woman ghost. "I had to cook for my father, five
brothers, and all the farm hands, and every one of them with different
tastes, and none of them ever satisfied. I nearly died trying to please
them all. I used to get so tired that I wanted to die long before I did.
Then a man asked me to marry him, and I thought it would be easier to
please one man alone than all the sixteen, and I took him. You ought to
have seen the way my folks went on! You just ought to have seen it! You
would think I had committed an unpardonable sin, but it was done and I
must confess that I am glad at the way they have to live now. Father
hired many housekeepers, one after another, and when he found one that
could really cook he married her. As soon as she was mistress she
wouldn't lift her hand to cook a meal, and my brothers all died. Some of
them have told me when they saw me here that they were awful sorry, and
wished they could undo it all. But, my husband was worse than all the
others combined. I just couldn't tell all he made me suffer. At last I
gave up and died in self-preservation. I died to get out of the eternal
kitchen."

"Why, Martha," said another ghost, "I never knew it was so bad as that.
I always thought you cooked because you liked it and was too proud of
your faculty to ever let anyone take your place."

"Well, I didn't; but I hated worse than all that anyone should know how
bad I did hate it. I reckon if we knew all that goes on in our
neighbor's hearts we would have a little more charity. You used to say
that I neglected my church duties, and didn't sew for the heathen, and
many a tract you left me on the sin of idleness, me what had been up
every morning for ten years at four o'clock, and never got to bed till
ten and eleven, working every minute all the time. Sometimes I felt like
telling you to mind your own business. It is all over now, but I should
like to know how mu

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