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r her, keeping firm hands on the powerful nozzle that was twisting
and trying to wriggle out of my hands all the time. Just as she opened
her mouth-well-somehow she got very wet, and sat down in the middle of
the area, and I turned around so that she should not think I was
laughing at her miserable plight. Anyhow I had done enough up there and
I intended to attack the dusty sidewalk, when my wife came to the front
door and opened it unexpectedly just as I was in the act of turning, and
somehow she received the full force of the stream right in the face and
she went down like a shot. No one could blame me if in the face of this
disaster I forgot and left the squirming hose to work its will and tried
to raise her.

"She did not wait for me, however, but told me with a withering look to
take that thing down cellar at once. I tried to explain, but she shut
the door, and I started to obey her, but, sir, you could scarcely believe
me, but I had lost control of the thing, and the more I tried to manage
it the worse it got, and at last I found that there was a hole in the
hose about a foot from the nozzle and that was running in opposition to
the nozzle. I was wet to the skin, and the more I tried to get down the
steps the worse it wriggled and twisted until I was at my wits' end to
know what to do.

"At last I seemed to obtain a little command of it and was in the act of
turning around to come down when I became conscious that there was a
hearse and two carriages drawn up in front of my next neighbor's house,
and before I could move the door opened and six men came out bearing a
large coffin. I was struck dumb and almost blind, and did not know what
I was doing, and-well-before I came to my senses every one of those
pall-bearers was wet through, and the force of the water threw the
flowers in every direction, and as if this were not enough the vicious
stream hit the clergyman directly between the eyes and made him fall
backward, and that was the reason that a number of people who had
gathered to see a funeral at that unusual hour laughed. I was actually
paralyzed with the whole thing and stood there helpless, trying to hold
up the nozzle, not knowing that it was pouring floods into the vestibule
of the dead man's house. Finally some one came up the steps and took the
wretched thing away from me, and dragged it down to the area, and I
scarcely knew enough to go after it.

"I have often thought that scientific men are not quite so well adapted
to cope with the small things of daily life as those more in touch with
mundane affairs. I was so distressed at my complete failure to master so
simple a thing as a hose, and above all at the terrible disaster which
had befallen me in the involuntary disrespect to my neighbor, that I was
like a man dead.

"He had been away and died and was brought home for burial, and that was
why the funeral was private and so early, for he was to be taken quite a
distance for interment.

"So you can conceive of my distress, particularly as my wife did not
feel willing to console me. On the contrary, she said quite a number of
things which I am sure she would have left unsaid had she reflected. And
I had to get her a new frock and one for the servant. After a while the
neighbors stopped asking me impertinent things about my garden hose, and
I was beginning to feel a little better about it when I fell ill and
died.

"My funeral was marked by decorum, and everything passed off well. I was
not sorry to come here for I had studied a little of everything else,
and this being the unknowable held certain charms for me. I am of a
philosophic nature, and very adaptable, and soon became quite content
here, for if there are some drawbacks, there are some compensations
too."

"What are they?" asked the reporter hastily, and not remembering that he
was departing from his usual custom.

"Well, the greatest is-speaking generally, you know-that you can do no
more wrong, and that you must progress, for nothing in nature can
retrograde. We feel that we may advance in the scale of the great plan,
and that our powers of evil are null, so we can hope. We do not know
what we can hope for, but we are not hindered from hoping that there is
something to hope for. But, the old desires, old frailties die hard and
slow. But, all that is not the story of my misery. I came down here, and
for a long time had no special trouble, and met in convention twice. I
tried to study out all I saw, until one night I saw my neighbor whose
funeral I had so unintentionally desecrated. He had been removed to
another cemetery nearer and so was here as a guest.

"As soon as he saw me he acted as if he had been suddenly restored to all
the vigor of life, and its animosity, for he followed me around all the
evening until he found me in a corner studying the sculpture on one of
the pillars. He knocked me down and jumped on me and kicked me until it
is a wonder how I have a whole bone left. I could have tied any other
bones on, but how could I tie without hands? I am sure that if he had
given me the opportunity to explain how this unhappy affair had come
about he would feel sorry that he was so rough. But he wouldn't listen
and so he will never know."

"Yes, he will," said a voice right behind them, and as the reporter and
the armless ghost turned together they saw another ghost, and he
continued his unexpected conversation.

"I have heard your story, sir; and regret that I was so violent. I was
exasperated beyond measure, as I was always a great stickler for strict
decorum, and I was not to blame if I thought you did that on purpose."

The armless ghost was so affected that he would have fallen had not the
other put his arms around him, and the chances for a complete
reconciliation were so good that the reporter felt himself de trop and
silently slipped away.

CHAPTER VIII.
THE GRAND BALL, CONVENTION AND END OF IT ALL

After the young man left the reunited friends he strolled along a
little, and saw a man whom he had noticed two or three times on account
of his height and the gloomy bend of his head. He stood with his arms
crossed moodily over his breast and the reporter thought that perhaps
there was some new phrase of misery indicated in this morose and gloomy
attitude. The newspaper man edged along near him and bowing, said:

"This is a very pleasant reunion, is it not?"

"This is your first visit here, is it not?" answered the ghost somewhat
irrelevantly.

"It is," replied he, thinking at the same time that it should be his
last.

"I suppose you are greatly amused," said the ghost, who, the young man
now noticed, was lame and limped painfully as he moved around to keep
out of the way of the dancers.

"Well, not exactly amused," answered the young man doubtfully.

"We will say entertained, then," said the lame ghost. "You may have
noticed that I do not dance, nor can I walk about like others. I do not
think I would make a good figure. I have a misfit leg."

"I-I-beg your pardon," stammered the young 

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