Adventure | Science Fiction | Ghost stories | Poetry | Children | History BookOpen Original Text my downcast mien
Could not guess at my woes unseen:
They by appearance could not know
The troubles that I waded through.
'Lust, anger, blasphemy, and pride,
With legions of such ills beside,
Troubled my thoughts,' while doubts and fears
Clouded and darken'd most my years.
'Sighs now no more would be confin'd--
They breath'd the trouble of my mind:
I wish'd for death, but check'd the word,
And often pray'd unto the Lord.'
Unhappy, more than some on earth,
I thought the place that gave me birth--
Strange thoughts oppress'd--while I replied
"Why not in Ethiopia died?"
And why thus spared, nigh to hell?--
God only knew--I could not tell!
'A tott'ring fence, a bowing wall
thought myself ere since the fall.'
'Oft times I mused, nigh despair,
While birds melodious fill'd the air:
Thrice happy songsters, ever free,
How bless'd were they compar'd to me!'
Thus all things added to my pain,
While grief compell'd me to complain;
When sable clouds began to rise
My mind grew darker than the skies.
The English nation call'd to leave,
How did my breast with sorrows heave!
I long'd for rest--cried "Help me, Lord!
Some mitigation, Lord, afford!"
Yet on, dejected, still I went--
Heart-throbbing woes within were pent;
Nor land, nor sea, could comfort give,
Nothing my anxious mind relieve.
Weary with travail, yet unknown
To all but God and self alone,
Numerous months for peace I strove,
And numerous foes I had to prove.
Inur'd to dangers, griefs, and woes,
Train'd up 'midst perils, deaths, and foes,
I said "Must it thus ever be?--
No quiet is permitted me."
Hard hap, and more than heavy lot!
I pray'd to God "Forget me not--
What thou ordain'st willing I'll bear;
But O! deliver from despair!"
Strivings and wrestlings seem'd in vain;
Nothing I did could ease my pain:
Then gave I up my works and will,
Confess'd and own'd my doom was hell!
Like some poor pris'ner at the bar,
Conscious of guilt, of sin and fear,
Arraign'd, and self-condemned, I stood--
'Lost in the world, and in my blood!'
Yet here, 'midst blackest clouds confin'd,
A beam from Christ, the day-star, shin'd;
Surely, thought I, if Jesus please,
He can at once sign my release.
I, ignorant of his righteousness,
Set up my labours in its place;
'Forgot for why his blood was shed,
And pray'd and fasted in its stead.'
He dy'd for sinners--I am one!
Might not his blood for me atone?
Tho' I am nothing else but sin,
Yet surely he can make me clean!
Thus light came in, and I believ'd;
Myself forgot, and help receiv'd!
My Saviour then I know I found,
For, eas'd from guilt, no more I groan'd.
O, happy hour, in which I ceas'd
To mourn, for then I found a rest!
My soul and Christ were now as one--
Thy light, O Jesus, in me shone!
Bless'd be thy name, for now I know
I and my works can nothing do;
"The Lord alone can ransom man--
For this the spotless Lamb was slain!"
When sacrifices, works, and pray'r,
Prov'd vain, and ineffectual were,
"Lo, then I come!" the Saviour cry'd,
And, bleeding, bow'd his head and dy'd!
He dy'd for all who ever saw
No help in them, nor by the law:--
I this have seen; and gladly own
"Salvation is by Christ alone[W]!"
FOOTNOTES:
[Footnote V: John xvi. 13, 14. &c.]
[Footnote W: Acts iv. 12.]
CHAP. XI.
_The author embarks on board a ship bound for Cadiz--Is near
being shipwrecked--Goes to Malaga--Remarkable fine cathedral
there--The author disputes with a popish priest--Picking up
eleven miserable men at sea in returning to England--Engages
again with Doctor Irving to accompany him to Jamaica and the
Mosquito Shore--Meets with an Indian prince on board--The
author attempts to instruct him in the truths of the
Gospel--Frustrated by the bad example of some in the
ship--They arrive on the Mosquito Shore with some slaves
they purchased at Jamaica, and begin to cultivate a
plantation--Some account of the manners and customs of the
Mosquito Indians--Successful device of the author's to quell
a riot among them--Curious entertainment given by them to
Doctor Irving and the author, who leaves the shore and goes
for Jamaica--Is barbarously treated by a man with whom he
engaged for his passage--Escapes and goes to the Mosquito
admiral, who treats him kindly--He gets another vessel and
goes on board--Instances of bad treatment--Meets Doctor
Irving--Gets to Jamaica--Is cheated by his captain--Leaves
the Doctor and goes for England._
When our ship was got ready for sea again, I was entreated by the
captain to go in her once more; but, as I felt myself now as happy as
I could wish to be in this life, I for some time refused; however, the
advice of my friends at last prevailed; and, in full resignation to
the will of God, I again embarked for Cadiz in March 1775. We had a
very good passage, without any material accident, until we arrived off
the Bay of Cadiz; when one Sunday, just as we were going into the
harbour, the ship struck against a rock and knocked off a garboard
plank, which is the next to the keel. In an instant all hands were in
the greatest confusion, and began with loud cries to call on God to
have mercy on them. Although I could not swim, and saw no way of
escaping death, I felt no dread in my then situation, having no desire
to live. I even rejoiced in spirit, thinking this death would be
sudden glory. But the fulness of time was not yet come. The people
near to me were much astonished in seeing me thus calm and resigned;
but I told them of the peace of God, which through sovereign grace I
enjoyed, and these words were that instant in my mind:
"Christ is my pilot wise, my compass is his word;
My soul each storm defies, while I have such a Lord.
I trust his faithfulness and power,
To save me in the trying hour.
Though rocks and quicksands deep through all my passage lie,
Yet Christ shall safely keep and guide me with his eye.
How can I sink with such a prop,
That bears the world and all things up?"
At this time there were many large Spanish flukers or passage-vessels
full of people crossing the channel; who seeing our condition, a
number of them came alongside of us. As many hands as could be
employed began to work; some at our three pumps, and the rest
unloading the ship as fast as possible. There being only a single rock
called the Porpus on which we struck, we soon got off it, and
providentially it was then high water, we therefore run the ship
ashore at the nearest place to keep her from sinking. After many
tides, with a great deal of care and industry, we got her repaired
again. When we had dispatched our business at Cadiz, we went to
Gibraltar, and from thence to Malaga, a very pleasant and rich city,
where there is one of the finest cathedrals I had ever seen. It had
been above fifty years in building, as I heard, though it was not then
quite finished; great part of the inside, however, was completed and
highly decorated with the richest marble columns and many superb
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